We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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