Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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