I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
