I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
