Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
