you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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