I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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