Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I touched a dick in church today
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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