I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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