He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
