I want to walk on stilts...naked
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
