Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
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Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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