Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
