Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize