i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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