you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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