and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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