Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
