My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
