Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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