You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
