im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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