So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
