Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
