I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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