Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
