Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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