she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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