Apparently you make a good broom.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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