So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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