Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
