Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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