Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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