I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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