My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
