Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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