they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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