I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
