I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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