dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
