I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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