If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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