I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
