This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
