come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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