All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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