You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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