Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
