My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
