she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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