4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
