I've blown a few things in my day
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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