I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
