I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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