I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
