I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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