Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
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I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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