dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
