nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
