I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
