we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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