This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
