I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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