Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
