wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
