dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
