Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
