In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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