im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
