just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
