Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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