I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
