We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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