Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
