batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
